WOW!
What in the world happened today?????

I had a brief momentary lapse of reasoning and had myself a little hissy fit and a pity party all at once! I had a horribly bad attitude... and had it all even while at church!! Brave - hun?

I had a friend of mine who I adore and love tell me that she is expecting her third baby in February. After hugging her and telling her how happy I was (and I assure you that I am)I just suddenly got mad as I walked away. Madder than heck!

This is when I became schizophrenic!
I began thinking - why in the world can she get three and I can't?
Then I thought - why am I acting like this? How dare me!
Then I thought - I have a right to be upset... I can not exercise my ability to have children like most women can!
Then I replied with - You have 2 children that were given to you by God! How selfish are you?
The I said - I guess I am selfish and sometimes, I just have to be. I can't always be good.
And then I said - that is when you have to give it up and allow Him to take over.

I can not do it all, everyday, by myself. Some days, I need God to be my strength and I need to just be mad. Then as I confess it and give it over, He frees me of it... little by little.

One day, it won't hurt anymore. I am sure of it. God promises COMPLETE deliverance and redemption. My day is coming...

When I got home from church and I was looking for any word of wisdom in the midst of my fit, I began flipping through a little table top devotional that I received at my ladies retreat this past year. I flipped in a panic hoping and praying that God would have word for me. Even if that word was "SHUT UP!"

This is what I found:
"I confess to You, that I am overwhelmed by the task ahead, but I am thankful that You have authority over all things. Heaven is Your throne and earth is your footstool (Matthew 5:34-35): therefore, anything over my head is under Your feet." - Beth Moore

Praise God that He didn't tell me to SHUT UP! (:
Once again, He is here right in the middle of my pain. I know that until my day comes when I no longer long for more children or the child that I lost, He will be there every step of the way. Guiding me... encouraging me... hearing me... and loving me.

Isn't He good even when everything seems bad!

Philippians 4:13- "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."