As Chris and I left our doctor's office, we felt completely numb and totally in shock. What I had always dreaded most in my life was happening - we had lost one of our children. Even though I did not hold this baby in my arms, I felt I knew this baby already. She had grown in my belly and was purposed by God and to me, she was just as real as my son and daughter were. I love her already and the fact that she was no longer, was more than my brain or my heart could wrap around.
We had talked with my doctor and had decided to go ahead with a D&C instead of waiting for the actual miscarriage so we headed downstairs to the surgery center to sign papers and get all the info that we needed. It would be scheduled for the next morning.
While we sat and as I filled out paper work, I told my husband to call my mom who was at home watching our kiddos. I asked him to let her know what was going on without too much detail and for him to tell her NOT to tell the kids. I wanted to be able to tell them myself when we got home - especially Jace. He made the call... he was sweet and gentle and filled her in. She didn't believe him at first but he pressed the issue until she figured out that this was not some sort of sick joke. This was actual happening and now her baby had lost a baby of her own.
We signed the paperwork and prepared to go home to tell our children, especially our son, what had happened with the baby. We were walking toward the door and I saw a piece of paper folded up and lying in front of me. I picked it up thinking that maybe I had dropped one of the papers from the hospital but imagine my surprise when I opened it and all I saw were these words:
ROMANS 8:38-39 - "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
My God is always there - just when I need Him most. Our God is so good... even in the midst of my deepest sorrow and grief, He appeared and set my heart at ease. It didn't remove the pain that I was feeling but it lessened it by reminding me how much He loved me and how NOTHING could separate me from that great love. They were the perfect words from a perfect God that an imperfect person needed at a perfect time. Praise you Father.
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