One summer night... Our story - Part 4

Luke 17:24- "For the Son of Man in His day will be like the lightning, which flashes and lights up the sky from one end to another."

June, 2000
I feel like I have always known God. Even as a little girl. I remember being baptized as an 8 year old in front of our entire congregation. Even at the young age of 8, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that He existed and existed in a big way.

Growing up I was at church every Sunday. I prayed every night and attended youth group weekly. I was active in my Sunday School class, attended Dawson McAllister conferences (going up every year to "re-dedicate" my life), and was nicknamed "Jesus Freak" by friends my freshman year in high school. In my junior and senior year of high school I dabbled a bit, as teenagers do, with the uglier side of sin, but I never dabbled enough to hinder my faith. I continued believing in God, but I was not walking with Him.

As a young woman, I lived a double life. On Friday nights I was in the clubs and on Sunday mornings, I was at church worshipping. "At least I am here" I would think to myself sitting in the pew dressed in my Sunday best, but I owed my Lord so much more and I knew it.

After I got married and while I was working at the doctor's office, I met a lady who would change my spiritual life forever. She was the absolute epitome of what I thought a Christian should be and in my opinion, the most humble person I had ever met. She always had a smile on her face and if you asked her why, she would say it was because of Jesus. She had suffered a great deal in her life - things that most people would have never been able to handle - but it didn't matter. Not one bit. God was good and she told everyone that very thing no matter what was going on in her life.

I began to long for the God that she spoke of. Did I know this God? Really know Him? I certainly did not know Him like she did. I had a deep and powerful desire to learn more about Him and fast! The thirst that I had at that time was insatiable and I began to study like I had never before.

I did Bible studies during lunch with co-workers at my office. I got up each morning at 5:30a to have one on one time with God. I did Bible studies on the days that I was home with my son throughout his entire nap time. I prayed a lot and began to journal. I started to change my behavior in and out of the presence of others. I cleaned up my mouth and changed what I watched on TV. I wanted to please God and I wanted my life to reflect the change that had taken place in me through Him.

He showed me so much during this period in my life. For the first time, I really felt I like I got to know this God that my friend at work had been singing the praises of. I didn't just know OF Him anymore... I was beginning to KNOW HIM and it felt good.

We had been trying for a second baby for a little over 18 months, when I had something happen to me that I will never forget...

It was a HOT summer day - a Saturday to be exact in the year 2000. Things just seemed to be "coming to a head" in my life and I was not coping well - even with all the studying and praying that I was doing. I had recently had a false positive pregnancy test and I was still reeling because of it. I was very emotional - I was grieving a baby that never really was there. It was the strangest emotion - a new one for me and I didn't know how to get a hold of it. That day in particular, my 3 1/2 year old had been slightly out of control. OK, let's get real - not slightly out of control - totally out of control. Everything seemed to be magnified that day... things that would normally not have affected me, seemed to be too much to handle. The afternoon ended with my son throwing my brand new cell phone off a friend's boat and into Lake Travis. "Great", I thought. It was just what I needed to send me over the edge.

We got home, put our little one to bed, and I then informed my husband that I needed to be alone for a while. I felt so agitated and needed to unwind a bit. I went outside and wondered around in the front yard before settling into a lawn chair on the driveway. It was dark out - well after 10pm - and all my neighbors were inside their homes so I felt safe to let loose and let God know what I was feeling...

"What am I going to do, God? I can not handle anything right now. Please help me. Please help my son. He is out of control. Or maybe he is just 3 - either way - help me! I feel as though I am not being a good parent to him - I can not handle his temper tantrums without getting upset. What kind of mom am I? No wonder you won't give me another one - I can't handle the one I have!! And while we are on that subject, why can't I have another one??? Tell me, God! What did I do to deserve this?"

I started to sob...
I placed my face in my hands and continued....

"Please God, help me. Please God, free me of this. Please God, give me a baby. Please God, give me a baby. Please God, give me a baby. Please God, give me a baby". I said it over and over and over again.

There was nothing... not a stirring in my heart... not a quiet voice telling me what to do. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing.

"Do you hear me, God?"... I was getting loud about then. "Do you hear me? If you hear me God, give me a sign! Do SOMETHING! Let me know you hear me!!!!"

Again, nothing.

The tears streamed down my face...
"Let me know you are here.", I said softly.
I had no energy left. It was all I could think of to say.

But right then, I looked up and I saw it...
There was a bright light in the sky out of the corner of my left eye. It was huge! Absolutely HUGE! Not like a star, not like a plane. It was something completely different. Something I have never, ever seen before. It started across the sky and looked like it was on fire. It didn't appear quickly like a falling star would, and then fade away - it stayed white and bright for a very long time lighting up the entire sky above me. I fixed my eyes on it and found it hard to breathe. It felt like time was standing still. It crossed the entire sky above me, never losing it's brightness or it's greatness. I was frozen, once again, and in complete awe. Once it finished and disappeared, I couldn't move. I sat there for the longest time completely silent. I was almost scared to get up. He had appeared once again, just as I asked and right in the nick of time. I asked Him to show up for me and He did. First, an angel and now this? How could I be so blessed...

I finally ran inside and told my husband what had happened. I could not contain my excitement! I think he thought I was nuts! I had been in the presence of God and my heart felt something that it had never quite felt before. I didn't know how to explain it and still don't. It is way different than the awesome and overpowering feeling of being in love... different than the feeling of excitement... different from the feeling of peace. And it is better than all of those wonderful feelings put together. He had heard my cry and had answered just as I asked. What a wonderful God He was.

Now, would He answer me in another way? In the way that I wanted most? I didn't know and for that moment, I didn't care. I had heard from God once again and I was totally at peace, if not but only for one, hot summer night...